The Value of Vulnerability

Vulnerability.  There, I said it.



About six months ago I saw an advertisement for an amazing Heinemann PD weekend focused on inquiry.  I asked a few colleagues to attend with me...Who wouldn't want to go to beautiful Santa Fe?!  Unfortunately no one could go.  So of course, I asked my husband and 11 year old daughter to go.  Great.  Done.

There were a couple of things that  I didn't count on.  One was having to have foot surgery about a month before our departure.  Talk about being vulnerable.  All of a sudden I had to ask for help from almost everyone.  Hard.  I am a fast walker and a fast "doer."  The Fonda hotel is an absolutely beautiful and majestic place with an amazing history filled with intrigue and hidden spaces.  It also has many areas where there are three steps up.  Problematic.  The other thing I didn't count on was feeling so alone there.  For some reason I hadn't thought that part through very well.

So, the first morning I walked into this huge ballroom and it seemed like all the participants were already there with their groups.  (I chose not to have the buffet breakfast there because how was I supposed to drive my cart and hold my plate...I know, I know I should have asked for help.)  I am actually a very outgoing and extroverted person when I know people in a group but, I knew no one.  Gulp.  No one.  I knew Smokey Daniels from his picture on the cover of the brochure...seriously.  So I finally decided to go up in front to a table right in front of him.  I can't tell you how amazing it was for him to welcome me with his bright smile and warm voice.  I ended up sitting right there in front at a table with a group of women who had come together as a district.

So even though I had a group to talk to they were all there together.  I was the outsider.  Each time I went back to our room I would tell my husband, "I don't want to go out there again."  Don't get me wrong, it was a fabulous conference but I was still feeling alone and my cart made me even more alone.  I would be "walking" and chatting with people and boom, three steps.  I would have to open the little door to the open air mechanical lift at which point the people I was walking with went on.  So I felt even more alone.  It gave me so much empathy for people who are handicapped.   Each time I knew it was good for me to go back but I can't remember when I've felt so vulnerable.

Through the process I came to understand what my students feel both in the public school where I teach in Manhattan and at Bank Street College.  We encourage our students to be vulnerable all the time, to read a book they aren't used to, to work in groups with people who are new to them.  As teachers, we can become comfortable with what we know and how we teach, steering clear of new challenges for ourselves.  Yet, I always tell my students at Bank Street that it is in the uncomfortable and gray area where they learn the most.  How humbling it was for me to be living that discomfort and how powerful to go back to them and report about my discomfort and pushing through.

Vulnerability is so much less daunting when you embrace a growth mindset; when you know you don't have to know it all or be right all the time.  In fact, I would suggest that when we are more vulnerable, we create a deeper connection and community through our example.  Isn't that what we want for kids?  We have to model vulnerability, to show them that it is safe and it is necessary for growth.  That is where the most profound learning is.

Oh, and if you were wondering, the weekend was great and in the end, I learned a ton about La Fonda through the inquiry process and if you had been passing by, you might of heard my group singing "La Fonda" to the tune of "La Bamba."  You could have also heard me singing into the microphone, "Baila, baila!"  

A Five Star Book That Spans Many Years

I discovered this book a few months ago and fell in love.  If you've read my blog post, 10 Strategies to Help a Reticent Reader Love to Read, you will know about Charlie, my 4th grade daughter with Dyslexia. 

TheWritingBookLady

8 An Animal Alphabet is one of the books that helped Charlie enjoy reading.  The amazing thing about this book is that it can be read with a child who is just having fun looking at the pictures, (you have to try to find which animal is repeated 8 times on each page) or a child who is learning the letters or letter sounds.  

Or, it can support counting 8 objects...26 times!  (Can you find what animal is appears 8 times on the A page?) Or, as with Charlie, we took turns reading the names of the animals at the bottom of each page so it helps with decoding and also learning the names of unusual animals.  

There is also a great guide in the back with a picture of all the animals and their names.  (I will admit to you that I had to use this resource various times during our reading!)

Most importantly, this book is a joyful read....and a fabulous gift.  

The Writer Awakened

    Water takes a long time to boil...especially when you watch it.  I don't know why I kept watching my writing water and it wouldn't boil.  It took talking to Dan Tricario, author of The Zen Teacher, for an hour only to have him say, "Susie, I am not sure you want to hear this, but I think you are a writer."  Why did this wake me up?  How odd.  For some reason, it just turned a switch in me.
     Now all I think about is how each detail could be a story...something to write down.  I have felt this urgency to write from time to time in my life.  Perhaps it really started when my mother contracted CJD, the human form of mad cow disease.  That 61st year of her life and the community involvement in her dying process has been a story waiting to come out.  Next, I have written letters to my daughters, now 9, 11 and 14 almost monthly trying to tell them all about their childhood and the small details in between the everyday breaths.  I felt an urgency to write after my friend Aracely's beloved sister, Mari, died of cancer much too early.  I was lucky enough to spend cherished hours with her right before her death.  I wrote Mari's children a letter from Mari's point of view to console them.  In times of crisis or intense love, I feel it is what I can give.
     I am actually in awe of this process.  All I needed was for someone to really believe in me and say, "You are a writer."  How simple and yet how powerful.  It is almost surreal for me.  It was like Dan was both giving me permission but also pushing me to see what he saw in me.  I have had people tell me along my path that they thought my writing was good, that I should pursue something in writing, but his words were different.  "I am not sure you want to hear this, but I think you are a writer." I decided I do want to hear it, Dan.  I do want to let the water boil.  I want to get my thoughts on paper.  It fuels me and frankly, that's what being a writer is about.
     Now I clearly see how our careful language can ignite the passion to write in our students.  The simple sentence, "You are a writer."
     

Five Star Book!
Enchanted Air by Margarita Engle

This morning I gave myself permission to read...something that is hard with three kids, three jobs, a husband and a household to run.  As I sat in the living room, coffee in hand, I relished Engle's beautiful poetry that so powerfully weaves the two lives of the protagonist...one in California and the other in Cuba.  She finds herself torn between two cultures which only becomes worse as the Bay of Pigs crisis arrives.  Her mother's family, many of whom are still in Cuba, become something her family doesn't talk about anymore.  It is confusing and frustrating for her.




WAITING TO UNDERSTAND

At home, silence.
At school, chatter.

During visits to Dad's relatives,
long, complicated arguments
about Communism.
Capitalism.
War.
Peace.
Survival.

I escape to Aunt Marcella's
quiet den, where I read magazines
and adventure books,
instead of listening
to grown-up
confusion."  -p.142


A must read!

10 Strategies to Help a Reticent Reader Love to Read

10 Strategies to Help a Reticent Reader Love to Read

            “Do we have to read?”  “I am bad at reading.”  “I don’t like reading!” exclaims my 9-year old daughter, Charlie.  Horror! I LOVE to read.  Reading is my life.  I am a reading specialist at PS234, an adjunct professor at Bank Street College, and a literacy consultant.  How could my own daughter have such negative feelings about reading?  First, my daughter has Dyslexia.  Reading has always been hard for her, no, excruciating for her.  Reading is where she doesn’t feel smart.  Now chess…that’s another story.  Reminds me of Ally Nickerson from Fish in a Tree.  (You HAVE to read that book by the way!)

            This fall I realized something.  Just because she has Dyslexia doesn’t mean she has to hate reading.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve read to her since she was 7 months old.  (Can you figure that out?  Why not since she was in the womb?  She was adopted!  Ha!  Did I stump you?)  But, understandably, she doesn’t like to read to herself.  So, reading specialist that I am, I decided to make it my business for her to start to love reading and to grow her reading muscles, her reading stamina!  Here is a list of 10 things I’ve done to help her.

1. Lots of BOOKS!  Research shows that the more books a child has, the more likely they will become a reader.  (These can be books you own or books from the library!  I once had a friend who visited the library each week with her son and brought a carry-on suitcase to schlep the books back and forth!
2. The RIGHT MATERIAL!  So Charlie is not reading at grade level.  At school she might be a “yellow, yellow,” but we need to break out of the idea that all reading needs to be in the form of chapter books.  Picture books are especially wonderful for her.  They serve as a type of connector book.  I have read them to her for many years and now she can decode enough that she can read them herself.  Also, they give her visual supports for comprehension.  Graphic novels are also amazing for her.  In Charlie’s school, the school librarian, Paula, does a fabulous job of playing with different types of texts.  She told me the other day that she had a student who loved reading magazines.  After a few weeks, she compared a stack of the magazines he had read to two chapter books exclaiming, “Look how much reading you’ve done!”  Beautiful!  
3. CHOICE.  Tons of research supports the concept that if kids choose what they read they are more engaged in reading and they actually read more, which makes reading easier…this brings us back to books…do you see a pattern?
4. TRADE OFF…Wait!  Don’t stop reading.  I usually tell parents that they should not trade off reading.  Let me clarify.  A parent’s time to read aloud to their child should be sacred.  So cuddling down before bed and reading from a novel each night is fabulous. (Right now we are reading Wonder...another book you have to read!)  I still stand by that.  But, I am talking about the additional time that Charlie needs to read for independent reading at home.  We started off reading every other page.  As she has grown with her stamina, now I read every third page.  This pattern will continue, her time increasing and mine decreasing, in order to help her increase her reading stamina.  As reading becomes easier for her, it will also become more pleasurable.
5. Pay attention to the PICTURES.  Charlie is a child who can put together a 1,000 piece puzzle.  Many Dyslexic children have this type of visual acuity.  Many books, such as A Sick Day for Amos McGee have tiny figures or animals that appear in almost every page.  Charlie adores having contests to see who can find the red balloon (in A Sick Day…) first.  (Inevitably, I lose!)  This isn’t necessarily increasing her decoding skills but is sure is increasing her engagement with books….which increases her desire to spend time with books, you see the cycle.
6. Create a reading NOOK.  Take a basket and have your child fill it with some of their favorite books.  (This circles around to the power of choice!)  You can put it right next to their bed or on the foot of their bed.
7. Let them STAY UP 10 minutes longer!  Gasp!  So, Charlie has her bin of books, and, a very important tool…a flashlight or a reading light.  (What kid doesn’t love a flashlight?!)  The whole idea that they get to stay up later makes everything better!
8. Be a MODEL.  In the age of technology what often happens is as adults we read more and more on a device.  How many times do you check the news on your phone?  That is all reading but the problem is that it is virtually invisible to our children.  So make an effort to read an actual book or magazine in front of your child every day.
9. TALK about books.  Charlie has never read Fish in a Tree.  It is a bit too complicated for her at this point.  But she knows exactly who Ally Nickerson is!  (Did I mention that you should read that book?)  I’ve talked to her in detail about the book.  From these conversations she understands how books can actually help to redefine a person.  She has now started chess class and is actually a star.  As the new Ambassador for Young People’s Literature, Gene Luen Yang says, “By reading…we gain knowledge and skills others don’t expect from us.”  Because Charlie has always had a hard time reading, and because she goes to a school specifically for children with language based learning differences, there can be a perception that she isn’t smart.  That couldn’t be further from the truth!  Seriously, you have to play chess with my daughter!  She is 9 and frankly, I’d place my bets on her!!
10. Keep READING ALOUD to your child.  I still read aloud to Charlie every night.  Of course she has to read to herself for her schoolwork and hopefully, one day, pleasure.  But, by stripping away the stresses of decoding, Charlie can just relish in the beauty and excitement of story …here we go…you have to choose the right BOOKS!  (Nerdy Book Club is a great place to start if you don’t know what books to read! https://nerdybookclub.wordpress.com/)