Fenway and Hattie

Yesterday morning I was checking my Twitter and what do you know, Victoria Coe messaged me saying she was in Manhattan for the day and did I want to have coffee!

The world woks in interesting ways.  My friend Jan says that "Whatever is for you doesn't pass you by."  I believe it.

Victoria and I had such a lovely conversation about writing, teaching and kids...oh and dogs, of course!  So powerful to hear about her process in writing this amazing book.

Some of the big take aways for me:

• Writing is hard.
• Writing takes a ton of revision.
• Writing takes writing.  
• We are all people learning and growing.

Thank you, Victoria!

This is what I know.  Not much.

    I grew up in one of those families….white, middle class, ok, California, not mid-west.  We didn’t talk about race.  At all.  My parents were wonderful.  My father was a well-known doctor, not just for his skill, but for his ability to listen, really listen, to his patients.  (Reality check, when have you been really listened to by a doctor recently?  Not that all doctors are bad, but many don’t listen.)  My mother was a teacher.  She had her own tutoring business and I remember all too often her leaning into the car of a parent of a teenager giving them some sage advice about parenting.  She also started an amazing organization that put over 200 community members into our schools in the low socio economic part of town each week to read to kids.  No slackers.  Kind.  Generous.  And...no mention of race, ever.

    I attended University of California at Berkeley, Go Bears!!!  Suddenly, I became more aware of race.  Here’s the problem.  I didn’t know how to talk about race.  I cowered in my classes never wanting to say the wrong thing.  I made it through with a degree in Spanish and still didn’t talk about race.

    I worked as a teacher in the Roseland School District in northern California for 9 years, 4 of which I was a bilingual teacher in a dual immersion program, yes, blond-haired, blue eyed Susie was the Spanish model.  My students didn’t know I spoke English until one day Brittany heard me speaking after school and said with a gasp, “Susie you speak English!”  To which I replied, “See Brittany, if you try really hard, you will get to speak Spanish this way!”  (When is it ok to tell white lies?  Worthy of another post!  Wait, even that expression...hum.)  

    During this time, I was the only caucasian teacher on the immersion team.  At one conference, one of the hispanic teachers said, “Wow, you are the only blondie!” to which I said, very nervously, “wait, if that were turned around and I called you out for being the only hispanic, I’d be in trouble.”  To which she responded.  “Good, now you know how it feels.”  This interaction didn’t do much for starting to talk about race.  Once again, I didn’t speak about for a long time.

    I am being vulnerable now.  I didn’t really start thinking about race and biases until I taught at Bank Street College.  The first year I didn’t address it at all.  Do you know when you look back at your teaching career and you think, “Oh those poor students?”  This is one of those times.  I didn’t know how.  I am not saying that I know everything now...far from it!  Did you read the title?  But, I am now willing to touch on the subject, to be vulnerable in front of my class, alongside them.  

   During my second year teaching at Bank Street, a student came up and told me I might really like a video she saw.  This was during Ferguson and the riots.  Verna Myers How to Overcome our Biases  This video changed me.  Myers, who is black and works to eradicate biases spoke about her OWN biases.  We all have them and we need to constantly be checking ourselves.  

    Two other resources I am currently reading are Ta-Nehisi Coates’ book, Between the World and Me about a black journalist and his open letter to his teenage son.  Breathtaking and hard.  The other book I am reading to my high school student.  (I don’t want to be the parent who doesn’t talk about race.)  I am reading Whistling Vivaldi by Claude Steele to her.  It is sparking discussions about race and stereotypes, something I never had growing up.

   I am actually horrified.  Horrified that I didn’t talk about race until now; that I spent my childhood never knowing there was discrimination going on everywhere.  Having children forces you to discuss things that make you uncomfortable.  We now talk to our children about biases and discrimination.  I think it makes me uncomfortable because I can’t believe that I didn’t know for so long.  It pains me.  

    So I am left with “What do I know?”  Not much...but I am learning.  I am trying.  I know I will continue to find biases within myself, I know I will stumble.  But the best I can do is have a growth-mindset about what I don’t know and strive to grow and help my children grow and be more conscious about race, stereotypes and biases.  

Books, Books, Books

    This weekend I was so proud of myself.  I officially gave away 3 bags of books.  That is a big deal for a #bookloving teacher who just can't get enough books.  But, who said I couldn't buy more books at the used bookstore?!
    If you read my post on February 6th, 10 Strategies to Help a Reticent Reader Love to Read you met my daughter Charlie.  It is always a dance with Charlie...I don't want to push her too much to read, but I want to offer it as a delicious activity that I love to do, and especially, I love to do with her.  
    So, back to the used bookstore, Homegoods in Soho...Remember, I had given away 3 bags of books?  (Remember how hard that is for me?)  Well, Charlie sat down on this darling blue (kids only) chair and I just couldn't help myself.  I started handing her books I thought she might like to read.  I absolutely let her choose...That's another post, the power of choice! 
     In the end we did buy...ok 1 bag of books!  (I can pack a bag really well and fit lots of books in one bag!)  Right now we are working our way through The Adventures of Hugo Cabret and she is reading Following Grandfather for her independent book.  I am just reminded, once again, of the power of books.

A letter to Mari

A letter to my friend's sister who died in 2008 of cancer.  I was reminded of this letter after I read Dan Tricarico's post  on "One Good, Small Thing."  It reminded me of this post.  Thanks, Dan.  http://www.thezenteacher.com/blog

November 8, 2008

Dear Mari,

I lit a candle for you yesterday at church.  It’s strange.  I hadn’t talked to Aracely in a few days and somehow I knew it was getting hard.  I guess I am a true believer that there is a spiritual communication that happens when we are open to it.  You would have loved it, my three little girlies were there wanting to help.

I also have a very special candle lit for you at home.  It is a candleholder we used after my grandmother died, my mother died, the people lost in 9-11, and John’s father.  We keep it going for a few days and it truly brings a spiritual peace to the house.

I know you are much more at peace.  I picture your journey with the talked about bright light entering another wonderful, pain-free world.  I know you knew you’d be there with my mom.  It gives me great comfort to know she will be able to comfort you, because I know even though you’ve gone to such a better place, I think it will still be heavy to think of the loss your children and family face.

On the one hand, I know the pain they will have; the severity, the profound feeling of loss, grief, loneliness.  I know the empty space in their heart will never be filled.  But, I also know that the hole becomes less painful, and actually, if they learn to let you…you will be a comfort to them.  I call on my mother often…ask her questions, pause in a tender moment and know that she is there, watching and comforting and strengthening me.

You must be very proud of your family.  They gave your care their all.  They dearly wanted you to live, but they also just wanted to care for you because you were their cherished mother, wife, sister, and daughter.  You must be proud because so much of what they showed you in your journey, you actually taught them.  I think they will realize this more and more in their path through life; how much you shaped and molded their lives.  The beauty is that there is so much living in each an every one of them yet to come and so many of their choices and decisions will reflect back to you.  You are so deep within them that your physical presence was just one aspect of your impact.

One of the things, the beautiful things, that the death of a loved one shows us is how to cherish life.  It’s like you have this newfound wisdom that you depart to those of us who are not yet as wise.  You taught me to savor each moment with my children.  Tonight I took a bath with all three of them.  I washed each one’s hair, gave them foot rubs, let them pour water over my head.  I had piles to clear, junk drawers to clean and bills to pay…but you once again taught me that those things are not the important things in life.  Mari, as I was washing their beautiful hair and they were giggling and splashing, I thanked you.  I feel so honored to have shared life with you.  I can’t believe how lucky your family is to have had you in their lives.

I love you,

Susie

The Great Connectors...Books

“You are a connector!” my friend Angela said to me many years ago.  She had just finished reading Malcom Gladwell’s book The Tipping Point.  “These people who link us up with the world...these people on whom we rely on more heavily than we realize – are Connectors, people with a very special gift of bringing people together.” I do love to connect people…”Oh, you should meet so-and-so because they love doing x just like you!”  This was long before I became an avid reader.  In fact, I didn’t become a reader really until I went on vacation in Mexico and pulled a calf muscle.  Internet service was terrible and all I had was a stack of my children’s books.  I found a new love.  

I think the fact that I didn’t find a love of reading until well into adulthood has helped me connect children with reading.  I remember in high school I started dating a guy who was so super smart.  I thought, YES, I am so set!  I will just study physics with him and I will have such an easier time with the class.  Unfortunately, Steve knew physics well, but he just had a mind for physics.  I didn’t.  He had no idea how to help me understand.  He had always understood physics.  I hadn’t always understood books.  Because I can remember a time when I wasn’t in love with reading I think I understand how to help kids learn to love reading.  

What I recently started to understand is that sharing books is another way to extend the “connector” in me.  Ask my students and my friends...every conversation usually contains the words, “Oh, have you read such-and-such a book?  You will love it.”  Lately I have realized that one of the reasons I love books so much is that I love connecting books to people in a similar way that I love to connect people to people.  Ultimately, though,  books are the Great Connectors.  They connect us with our deeper self, they connect us with the world around us and they help us understand each other as one humankind.  

As a teacher isn’t this our role?  We have to provide students with books that they feel connected to...after all, they have to know what the endgame is.  Why do all of this work to learn to read in the first place?  As Stephen King says, we need “to be flattened by a book.”  It is our job to help them gain that feeling.

Kids won’t love all the books we love, but if we start with books we love, our passion will rub off.  The later work for us is to begin to delve into books we wouldn’t normally choose to be able to talk with students about books that push us, as teachers, out of our comfort zone….but that discussion is for another blog post.  That being said,  here is a list of 10 of my new favorite books I use to connect kids with books.

1. IF I WERE A BOOK by Jose Jorge Letria

“If I were a book, I’d help anchor you to your truest self.” I used this new favorite book today with a group of third graders during a Read Aloud Lunch.  It talks about all the things a book wants from its reader from the book’s perspective.  Jackson wanted to borrow it first!  

2. ENCHANTED AIR    by Margarita Engle      

Margarita Engle uses poems to tell the gripping story of her childhood where she had to live between cultures of Los Angeles and Cuba.  In our country of immigrants, this story rings true and helps kids see that they are not alone in feeling pulled between cultures.  My friend Deki, who teaches 5th grade in the Bronx, has many children who are pulled between two cultures.  In fact, she herself, is an immigrant from the Dominican Republic.

3.. THE WAR THAT SAVED MY LIFE    by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley.

     I had pretty invasive foot surgery earlier this year which forced me to be bed-bound for weeks.  You guessed it…I read.  I was intrigued by this title.  War, usually bad thing, saved her life?   Turns out, I haven’t felt so connected to a book in a long time.  The main character, Ada, turns out is crippled, born with a clubfoot.  I won’t tell you more about it because I don’t want to spoil it, but how much closer to home can you get?  Her strength and resilience inspired me on some pretty hard days.

4. PAX    by Sara Pennypacker

“After a hundred years of scrubbing by a dozen different families, this house would probably still smell bitter.”  I am speechless.  This writing is breathtaking.  Peter, the main character in the story, searches for his pet fox, Pax.  Pennypacker researched the characteristics of foxes and creates an incredibly believable character in Pax.  Also Peter is dealing with the recent loss of his mother.  So many students connect to this book on many levels.  I even started wondering what our pet rabbits were thinking!

5.. GEORGE    by Alex Gino

In my classes I teach at Bank Street College, we have many discussions about how important it is for kids to see themselves reflected in books.  Finally, we have a book for kids who don’t feel comfortable with the gender they were born into.  “Playing a girl part wouldn’t really be pretending, but George didn’t know how to tell Kelly that.”

6. THE TRUTH ABOUT TWINKIE PIE   by Kat Yeh      

Family life is messy.  Period.  No family is perfect.  Yeh exemplifies that imperfection in this new book.  She normalizes the mess.  The main character, Gigi, short for Galileo Galilei...ok, stop right there.  If that doesn’t pique your interest...Anyway, the main character is searching and pining for her real mother.  I won’t tell you what happens, but for me with my 3 adopted girls it struck a chord.

7.   CRENSHAW  by Katherine Applegate

I’ve seen kids and adults connect to this book immediately for different reasons.  Tracy, a graduate student, revealed that she had been homeless last semester.  Again, there is such power in seeing yourself in a book.  Also, just yesterday, I met with a 2nd grader who continued to meow like a cat.  She ended up naming her cat Turbo and we decided that Turbo could come out 3 times a day at school...the other parts of the day, strong girl Ashby needed to speak.  Ashby is crazy about cats.  She loved the idea of Crenshaw being a big friend for the main character, Jackson.

8. THE BOYS WHO CHALLENGED HITLER    by Phillip Hoose

My 14 year old daughter Liza had to do a biography study last year in school and chose Adolf Hitler.  She was horrified  by the destruction and anguish this man caused.  So when I found this nonfiction book about boys who stood up to Hitler she was all in.  The book is a combination of narration and first person accounting by Knud Pedersen, one of the original Churchill club, of how the resistance of a group of young boys eventually helped lead Denmark to fight back.

9. ROLLER GIRL    by Victoria Jamieson      

I love this graphic novel!  In my family we have a mantra, “Strong girls rock!” My poor husband, he is surrounded by the E-Team as we call ourselves!  Jamieson’s Astrid embodies that strength!  Charlie, my 9 year old who struggles with reading LOVED this book.  Additionally, what is fabulous about this book is that it is intriguing to boys too.  My friend Kara’s son Solomon, a 5th grader, finished the book this week and thought it was “great and had a great message.”  

10. CIRCUS MIRANDUS    by Cassie Beasley  

All I have to say about this book is magic.  I have a former student who is now in 6th grade.  Alessia doesn’t like sad books.  She sent me a letter recently to connect.  When I wrote her back yesterday, I sent her a picture of the cover of this magnificent book.  Part of growing up is learning to hold sadness along with the joys of life.  This book helps us do this brilliantly.  “Michah” said the Lightbender.  “What do you think magic is?”  “I guess it’s what’s inside of people like you,” he replied.  “The parts of you that are too big to keep just to yourself.”  Brilliant.

BONUS!!!  . DEAR BASKETBALL    by Kobe Bryant      

My 3rd grade boy writers adore basketball. When I brought this poem out as a mentor text, Dashiell and Banjo’s eyes lit up in a way I hadn’t seen all year.   Many have thought of the great Kobe Bryant as an important sports model for kids, but now we can hail him as a literary model.  What a striking way to announce your retirement.  Inspired.

“I’m ready to let you go.

I want you to know now

So we both can savor every moment we have left together.

The good and the bad.

We have given each other”

Click the link to read the whole poem.  Kobe Bryant Dear Basketball

This is a call to us as parents and educators to help our children connect to wonderful literature.  We just have to bring the right books to the table and the literature will take care of the rest.